


Lonely

by diazbuckleysworld



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: 9-1-1 on Fox, Alternate Universe, Falling In Love, Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley, Idiots in Love, Love, M/M, Protective Eddie Diaz, Worried Eddie Diaz, Worried Evan "Buck" Buckley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:48:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25220407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diazbuckleysworld/pseuds/diazbuckleysworld
Summary: Buck lost someone and this is the story about how he tries so hard to love again. He is navigating a new relationship, one that he never thought would be possible. Eddie Diaz really messed his life up.
Relationships: Evan “Buck” Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter 1

He felt lonely. Empty… 

Buck felt like he was looking for something. Only he didn’t know what. Or was it someone? Yes. That was it. He was looking for a man. Or was he looking for love? It all became quite blurry. To him, one thing was for sure - Carlos was gone. Never coming back. 

Buck sat in his living room watching the sunrise. Thinking about Carlos and what they had made together. The life they shared. Sleep was the last thing on his mind. He spent the night looking at pictures of Carlos. Wishing he was there beside him. Willing him to show himself one last time. Only Buck knew that would never happen. Carlos would never be there with him. It was impossible. 

Buck sighed drinking the last of his beer and placing the bottle on the table beside him. Rubbing his eyes and lifting himself off the couch he finally walked into the bathroom. Getting ready for his day was hard. It had been hard ever since Carlos passed. 

Once he was ready for the day, Buck got into his jeep and made his way to the station. He knew he was on thin ice there. Bobby reprimanded him a few weeks ago for being drunk. He sent him home and with good reason. Buck hadn’t been reprimanded like that since the very beginning when Buck 1.0 slipped out. That was before he met Carlos. He actually met Carlos on a call. His grandmother was sick. He and Buck had been inseparable ever since. That call changed his life. There was no going back. 

When Carlos passed everyone was devastated. His team knew he was going through a rough time. They knew he was hurting. Every single day. Bobby knew more than anyone. He tried to cut Buck some slack, but if he put them in danger Bobby would definitely suspend him. 

When he entered the station that day Bobby knew he had been drinking. He could tell by the way he moved. He could see it in his silence. Bobby knew he was sulking. He just wanted Buck to get better. 

“Go home Buck.”

“Bobby, I-I..” 

“Go home. Stay home. Take the leave you have.” 

“Bobby, that is a month worth of leave.” Buck argued. 

“So take a month.” 

Buck sighed, “I-I can’t. I can’t be in that house. Alone.” 

“Buck, you need to grieve. Mourn his loss. Then come back. I need you fresh. We need you.” 

Chimney shook his head in agreement while Hen rubbed his back. 

“Alright.” 

Buck arrived home an hour later. He sighed grabbing a beer from the fridge and settling on the couch. He opened he grinder app on his phone and scrolled through some photos until he found one appealing. Buck sent the guy a message. He didn’t care that he hadn’t done this since his Buck 1.0 days. He needed to feel something. Anything. Usually all Buck felt was worse after, but sometimes when the stranger stayed it was almost like he could feel Carlos again. And in the early hours of the morning he swore he saw his face. 

Buck just wanted to feel a little less lonely. He needed to feel like someone cared. Needed to feel wanted. The stranger answered his message and within a few hours they were laying naked in bed together. This one didn’t stay, but Buck was fine with that. He just needed to feel whole. Even if it was for a split second. 

That night he dreamed of Carlos. He dreamed that they were together on an island and no one could touch them. No one even looked for them. Carlos was there. Beside him. Holding his hand. That morning he felt numb. The next few days were filled with pointless one night stands. Men who’s names he didn’t know. Men who didn’t care about spending the night. Men who didn’t care about him or his fucked up life. Men who left him all alone. Little did he know that a man was about to change his life. 

A few weeks passed before Buck used grinder again. He was over the men on there, but on this particular day he was feeling lonely and miserable. He was feeling so sad. Of course Buck 1.0 took over. That’s how he found Eddie Diaz. It seemed the man only had photos of his abs, but Buck didn’t mind. He barely looked at the guys anymore. It didn’t matter to him what they looked like. No one looked like Carlos. Or so he thought. 

It wasn’t so much that Eddie looked like Carlos, but it was more he reminded Buck of him. His mannerisms. His voice. It was like silk. Smooth. Sexy. Buck was standing at the door with his mouth hanging open. When he messaged Eddie his address he didn’t know it would only take him twenty minutes to get there. 

Buck gleefully jumped into the shower in those twenty minutes. But when he arrived, well let’s just say Buck almost slammed the door in his face. 

“Not gonna invite me in?” Eddie’s sultry voice asked. 

Buck moved to the side letting him in. Once he closed the door Buck kindly asked if he wanted something to drink. He ran to the fridge to get beers, but he closed the door he didn’t expect Eddie to be standing there in his underwear. 

“Uh…” Buck groaned, “Shit.” 

“Too much?” Eddie asked, “Sorry I was under the impression we were going to have sex.” 

“Oh uh…yeah.” Buck smiled trying to remain calm. 

“It’s fine. I misread the situation.” he said grabbing his clothes.

“No!” Buck suddenly yelled, “Too loud. Sorry. N-No I mean we can have sex. I just- let’s talk first.” 

“O-Okay. What do you wanna talk about?” 

“Have a seat on the couch.” Buck insisted. 

“I should probably go.” Eddie hurried towards the door.

“No-” 

“No?” Eddie raised his brow. 

“I mean yeah. Sure, uh you can go if you want.” 

Eddie looked at him strangely but walked out slamming the door. He must have thought Buck was nuts. He invited him to have sex sure, but that changed when Eddie was everything Buck could want. He was the one Buck was searching for and he ruined it. 

“Fuck.” Buck sighed. 

That night Carlos was in his dream, but so was Eddie. Carlos just smiled at him as he and Eddie sat on the beach watching the sunset. Buck had to make it right. He knew he needed to see Eddie again, but he wasn’t sure how to even attempt to get him back to his house. As he lay in bed that morning Buck contemplated how to get Eddie back to his place. He decided that he should probably just give Eddie what he wanted. Sex. Buck had done it countless times, but this time it felt different. He was afraid Eddie wouldn’t want him after. He rolled onto his side and huffed. Buck decided to just message him and get it over with. He would just deal with the consequences later. 

_Evan Buckley: Hey handsome, come to my place. Promise things will be different. I’ll be waiting._

Buck groaned throwing his phone to the side. A few hours later the door bell rang. To Buck’s surprise he could make out Eddie just beyond the door. Buck was glad Eddie could give him another chance. He just hoped Eddie wouldn’t be an asshole. He needed Eddie to be the real thing. Buck needed him to see him for who he really was. He needed Eddie to care for him. He was too much like Carlos and Buck would be heartbroken if he turned out like all the other guys. 


	2. Chapter 2

Buck pulled Eddie inside by the front of his shirt. Suddenly he looked more like Carlos. The way his eyes lit up. The way his mouth turned up in a smile. Eddie was Carlos in that moment. Buck doesn’t hesitate, he pushes Eddie towards the wall. Attacking his lips. Buck needs this. He feels so much come over him in an instant. Eddie pushes Buck away, and just like that the feeling was gone. 

“Hold on.” Eddie cried attempting to catch his breath. His hand remained on Buck’s chest, which made Buck feel warm all over. 

“First, y-you seem uncomfortable with me being here for sex. And now you attack me.” Eddie accused. 

“I wasn’t uncomfortable. It’s just…” Buck sighed, “I screwed this up haven’t I?” 

“You tell me.” 

“Come in. Let me get you a drink. Have a seat.” 

Buck disappeared into the kitchen, trying to clear his head. He knew Eddie wasn’t Carlos. But Buck couldn’t ignore how he felt kissing him. Eddie was a fantastic kisser. It probably made things worse. Buck wanted to kiss him again. He felt drawn to him. 

Buck groaned closing the fridge. He grabbed the beers and a bottle of water just in case Eddie wasn’t a fan. A few moments later he settled onto the couch next to Eddie, placing the water in front of him. Eddie looked over at him gratefully before picking up the water. This was going to be a long, drawn out conversation. Buck didn’t have intentions to tell Eddie his story, but things changed. 

“I’m sad.” he blurted. 

“Excuse me?” 

“You - uh, you remind me of someone.Someone I miss. And I’m sad.” 

“I-I’m sorry. Maybe this was a mistake. I should go.” 

“No, please - ” Buck sighed, “Please stay.” 

Eddie sat back down, opening and closing his mouth. He hadn’t know what to say. He felt bad for Buck. Felt bad that he was hurting, but he was worried his presence would hurt him more. 

“I-I dunno what you want me to do here.” 

“It’s not your fault I’m messed up.” Buck sighed, rubbing his head. 

“So, you want me to stay.”

“Yeah.” Buck huffed, “I don’t want you to go. I just - I’m hurt. I’m not sure what you’re looking for. If this is just a hookup I’m not sure I can take it.” 

Buck closed his mouth quickly; he hadn’t wanted to say that. Hadn’t wanted Eddie to know he wanted more. He was raw. His emotions were too much. Buck regretted saying anything. They were supposed to just make out and have sex. No feelings. He wondered how he got to this point. Despair taking over. 

As if ignoring everything Buck had just said, Eddie looked at him and asked, “What do you do for a living?” 

“Uh, I’m a firefighter. Why?” 

“Just curious.” Eddie smiled. 

And just like that things became easy. Buck focused on the conversation. Feelings of sadness and despair ceasing to exist. Eddie made him feel amazing. He didn’t look at him like he was broken. Not once. He didn’t look at Buck like he was pitiful. Eddie’s eyes held no pity. Buck hadn’t realized it before, but he always felt pitied. Pitied by Bobby and his crew. Pitied by Maddie and his friends. Maybe he needed someone to finally see him and not pity him. 

After a while Buck’s eyes drooped and Eddie just laughed, “I think it’s time to get you to bed.” 

“Are you gonna stay?” 

“Do you want me to?” Eddie asked incredulously. 

“Yeah, I’d like that.” 

Eddie helped Buck to the bedroom. Buck began to undress which prompted Eddie to take off his pants. He climbed into bed and motioned for Eddie to follow. Buck was tired, but the thought of Eddie being that close to him definitely awoke this deep lust inside of him. 

Buck pulled him closer for a heated kiss. Eddie moaned, grabbing the back of Buck’s neck. Once they pulled back for air, Buck groaned. Eddie looked absolutely gorgeous. His hair was all over the place. His lips were red and pouty. He even had a slight blush to his skin. 

“Make love to me?” Buck asked, hopeful. 

In that moment he almost felt small. Smaller than he had felt in a long time. Buck was vulnerable. Waiting for Eddie’s response. He was raw and couldn’t breathe. He waited a few more minutes, sure that if Eddie didn’t make a move he would cry. Buck didn’t want the sadness to show through. He didn’t want Eddie to know just how lonely he was. He felt empty. Empty until a few hours ago, but his request was making him worse then empty if it was possible. 

Eddie gave him a soft smile before taking his face in his hands. He gave Buck a passionate kiss that made him chase after his lips once they were gone. The next few moments were them making out like teenagers and grinding against each other. When Eddie settled above him Buck happily smiled and began to rub his back. 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yes. I need this, Eddie. I need you.” Buck softly said. 

That was all Eddie needed to hear. He needed Buck to be okay with this, with what they were doing. He didn’t need to be worried though, Buck was just happy with the way he was making him feel. It was almost euphoric. _Yeah, he thought that’s the right word. Euphoria._ He was in complete bliss. Heaven. 

_Eddie…Eddie…Eddie,_ Buck thought rising from the bed - trying to catch his breath. The room was dark, but Buck knew it was his bedroom. He fearfully looked to his side, but grinned when he saw Eddie’s sleeping form. He let out the breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding. 

Buck smiled rubbing his hands over his face. He began remember all they had done. They made love quite a few times and Eddie was still in his bed. For the first time in a long time Buck was happy. It was a form of happiness. One that he needed in his life more often. 

“Mmm…” Eddie moaned, beginning to stir, “You okay?”

“Yeah. Go back to sleep.” Buck grinned kissing his shoulder blade. 

He wasn’t sure what the future held, but Buck didn’t care. He wasn’t lonely anymore. Buck rose from the bed and walked to the bathroom. He stopped at the mirror and smiled. In the reflection just off to the side, Carlos stood smiling. Buck frowned, a tear coming to his eye. He missed him still. Wished he was there, but things were how they were. He had Eddie now. He almost felt like Carlos brought him Eddie. His dreams always seemed to be his only way to talk to Carlos. The last dream he had, it seemed like Carlos was happy that he found Eddie. Maybe he was happy. No longer having to worry about Buck.

He knew that before Carlos passed all he could do was worry about Buck. Worrying about everything. About how much Buck was eating. About how much Buck would miss him. About what he would do without him. Carlos always told him that he wanted him to move on. That was always his wish. Buck never wanted that, until maybe Eddie. 

“You alright?” Eddie’s voice broke him out of his thoughts. He was standing at the door, frowning at Buck. 

“Yeah, I’m good.” 

Eddie wrapped his arms around Buck and he felt warm again. Like nothing could touch him. He felt safe in Eddie’s arms. He hoped Eddie felt the same. Buck smiled at him, looking at their reflection in the mirror. They looked good together, which made him smile more. 

“How do you feel about showering together?”

Eddie laughed, “I’d be okay with that.” 

They stayed in the shower for hours, kissing and making each other laugh. They were becoming acquainted. Things seemed to be moving in the right direction, but Buck was worried. Worried things were moving too fast. He liked Eddie. He loved Carlos. Still. What if he couldn’t learn to love Eddie? What if he always felt this way for Carlos? Would Eddie be jealous of him? Jealous of a dead man. _Jealous of a ghost…_ his mind supplied. 


	3. Chapter 3

It had been a few weeks since Buck and Eddie had seen each other. Eddie had been working a shift at the hospital, while Buck was adjusting back at the firehouse. Throughout the week they had been texting and calling each other, but Buck was still seeing Carlos. He saw him in his dreams. He even saw him sometimes when he was awake. Buck was trying to figure out if he could love again. He didn’t want to lead Eddie on, but Carlos was not forgotten. He never would be. Buck knew that, he just didn’t want to feel lonely anymore. He also felt like Carlos was his fault some how. He wished he could have done something. He sighed for the third time and Hen looked over at him. 

“Alright, what’s the matter?”

“Uh, do you think that what happened to Carlos was my fault?” Buck asked her seriously. 

“What? N-No Buck.” 

“You hesitated.” 

Hen sighed, “Buckaroo, things happen. That was not your fault. Neither one of you could have know that he would have cancer.”

“I dunno I just feel like I should have done things differently. Do you ever feel like that?” 

“Of course. All the time. But nothing you could have done would have saved him. His death was awful, but Buck he loved you so much. He always did.” 

“I know...” Buck groaned looking at his phone. 

“Who’s that?” Hen asked curiously. 

“E-just some guy.” 

“Buck! Are you dating again?” 

“N-Not exactly. Please don’t make a big deal out of this. I have no clue what we are.” Buck said running his hands through his hair. 

Hen noticed his posture. He seem nervous and scared. She knew Buck. She had for a while now and as much as he tried to hide how he was feeling, she knew everything. 

“Buck...” Hen started, “I know this is scary, but tomorrow is never promised. To any of us. You know that. Carlos would not want you moping around. He wouldn’t want you suffering because he is gone.” 

“I know that. He always said he wanted me to move on. We talked about it. I-It’s just hard.” Buck softly mumbled. 

“I get it. Believe me I do. So, tell me about this new guy.” 

“His name’s Eddie. He is actually great. He works at the hospital. It’s been hard to get together lately because we have different hours. His change depending on who-” Buck raised an eyebrow, “What? What’s that look for?”

“You love him already don’t you?” 

Buck chuckled, “I honestly don’t even know if this is love. I-It’s like I’m not sure I can love him and love Carlos all at once, ya know.”

“Oh honey, of course you can.” Hen grabbed his hand, “Carlos was your first love, but he will always be in your heart. Even though he is gone that will never change. Eddie is a new love. Your second chance at happiness. Of course you can love them both.” 

Buck thought about what she said then he smiled at her, “I guess you’re right. Thanks Hen.” 

The alarm went off, signaling an emergency. Buck was still thinking about what Hen said when they rolled up to the hospital a few hours later. Eddie was standing there with other nurses awaiting their arrival. He looked nervous, but he smiled at Buck way. 

Eddie went to work quick and began wheeling the patient inside. Buck wanted to say something, but he wasn’t sure it was the right time. He sighed and Hen looked after them curiously. 

“That was him, wasn’t it?” 

Buck chuckled, “Yeah...but he’s busy.” 

“He is gorgeous Buckaroo.” 

“I know, Hen.” Buck smiled blushing profusely. 

He laughed shaking his head and following her back to the truck. Buck decided to shoot Eddie a text and apologize for not saying hi. The truth was Eddie knew why Buck was being cautious. He knew that Buck was going through a major loss one that people didn’t just get over. Eddie knew he would be messed up for a while and he didn’t really know where they stood. Sure, they had fun. And they always called each other or stayed in touch some how, but the last time they were together Eddie thought Buck was a little distant. 

They had been at Buck’s watching a movie. Just the two of them, like always. Eddie knew he shouldn’t have pushed, but he wanted to meet his friends. He mentioned it as Buck was handing him a glass. 

“I’m not sure we’re at that stage yet.” 

“And what stage are we exactly at Buck?” Eddie retorted. 

“I-I-well, I don’t know. It’s not like I planned this.” 

“Okay.” 

That was all that was said. The topic was dropped, but so did Buck’s arm. It was no longer around Eddie. That was the end of it. Buck hadn’t invited him over since then. He always said it was their schedules, but Eddie knew it wasn’t. His weekends were free and if they weren’t he still would have spent the night at Buck’s place. Eddie was just giving him space because he knew this was all knew and that he was navigating his way around whatever it was that they were doing. 

Eddie sighed sitting at the nurse’s station. He was adding the information into the computer when his phone dinged. He wasn’t even going to bother, but then he thought it could be Buck. Curiosity got the better of him. He shook his head taking out his phone. It was Buck. 

_Buck💙: Sorry I didn’t say Hi. I’m a mess. But I miss you._

_Edmundo: Miss you too. Not big deal. You were with your team._

_Buck💙: Let me take you to dinner._

_Edmundo: Sounds good. I’m out of here at 7.  
_

_Buck💙: I’ll pick you up._

Eddie smiled, it seemed Buck was trying. He was just happy that he would get to see him. He did miss him. It had been a while and he hated the way they left things. Eddie couldn’t wait for his shift to be over. 

Eddie closed his locker and took out his phone. He planned to send Buck a text, but it seemed he had already text Eddie. He opened the message - it was a picture of Buck laughing hysterically with cake on his nose. Underneath that the text read - Hen thought I needed a little cake to cheer me up. The next picture that came through was Buck and a woman (Hen he assumed) smiling at the camera. 

It was the only taste of Buck’s world that he had gotten so far. Eddie knew it would take time for Buck to open up, but Eddie was glad that he was warming up to the idea. He quickly saved the picture and pocketed his phone. After slamming his locker Eddie walked toward the emergency exit. Buck was leaning on the wall near the door. 

“Ready to go?” Buck grinned cheerfully. 

“Yeah.” 

Eddie was left looking at him a little breathlessly. Buck looked good. Handsome. He was in a pair of black jeans and a tight fitting shirt. Eddie had never seen anyone look so good. He sighed, at this rate he would fall in love with Buck before Buck even liked him. Eddie knew Buck’s feelings were complicated. He knew that it would take him time to even get used to the idea of the two of them being together. He didn’t know what they were, but he did know what they were not. They were not in love. Buck might never be in love with him. That thought alone made his stomach turn. He wanted Buck to love him. Maybe not now, but eventually. Buck noticed Eddie’s silence. 

“Something wrong?”

“N-No nothing. Let’s go.” Eddie smiled at him, climbing into his jeep. 

Eddie looked out the window and thought about what they were doing. Was it healthy for Buck? Hell, was it healthy for him? All Eddie knew was that Buck was smart, funny, and sexy as hell. He just wanted a guy he could trust. Eddie wanted a guy who knew him better then anyone. Buck seemed like the right guy. It was hard because of his loss, but Eddie felt like they could get through it. He looked over at Buck and grinned. Eddie took his hand and forced all his worries away. Now was not the time to be worried, He needed Buck to have a good time. Eddie needed to ease Buck into their new relationship. He needed Buck to understand how he felt about him. He needed him to know just how important he is to him and to others around him. Buck grinned, tightening his grip. He looked down at their hands and then up at Eddie - once again leaving the man breathless.


	4. Chapter 4

The night ended at Buck’s place. It ended with lingering touches and moments of pure bliss. The night was filled with promises and revelations. Buck realized Hen was right, he could love both Eddie and Carlos. Carlos was a ghost, haunting his dreams but Eddie - Eddie was real. And he was there. Eddie would be his new love. Buck had an epiphany that night. He finally understood that Eddie would become his world. His whole world. 

Buck watched Eddie’s sleeping form. In the moonlight he looked almost like a god. Eddie was gorgeous. Buck smiled blissfully, playing back their date. He had taken Eddie to a nice restaurant where they had amazing music and really expensive wine. Eddie seemed to enjoy himself. It was almost like they were both becoming drunk off each other. He was in a better mood; Buck felt better about their relationship. 

Eddie swayed to the music and Buck just watched him. Eddie laughed, pulling him to his feet. The music became farther away as the pair just became infatuated with each other. Eddie slid his hand down Buck’s back. They were both content. Buck felt alive. 

\-- 

The next morning Eddie was running out of the house. He was late for his shift. Buck grabbed his hand pulling him back towards the bed. 

“You sure you can’t stay?” 

Eddie chuckled, “You have to go to work. I’m late. I have to go.” 

“Fine...” Buck sighed kissing him. 

Eddie was out the door in a flash and before long Buck was driving to the fire house. Hen picked up on his mood as soon as he walked in. 

“Someone’s in a good mood today.”

“Yeah, it’s a great day!” Buck grinned. 

“You got laid, didn’t you?” Chim inquired. 

“He didn’t just get laid. Buckaroo here is dating again.” Hen smiled. 

“Good for you.” Chim said before taking a sip of his coffee. 

The bell rang signaling an emergency before anyone could continue. Buck hopped in the truck beside Hen. Not knowing his good mood was about to come to a terrify end. 

\-- _Eddie_ \--

The morning started off like any other so Eddie wasn’t ready for what happened around lunch time. Apparently they had brought in an inmate from the local prison. He was hurt badly, but little did anyone know it was just a ruse. The inmate got a hold of a gun and killed an officer. Eddie was down the hall when he heard the shots. He froze for a second, but ushered doctors and nurses towards the elevator. 

“Get up to the next floor. Hide. Call 911.” Eddie whispered.

He went back for patients and hid them in one of the utility closest. He figured they’d be safe there because no one could access them without a key card. He stopped before walking away, thinking that he should text Buck. He grabbed his phone and said the only thing he thought he needed to. 

_Edmundo:_ I love you. 

Buck got the text when they were loading their patient into the ambulance. He stopped near Hen, a feeling of dread settling inside him. 

“Somethings wrong.” Buck said to her. 

“What?” 

Before he could even answer the call came over the radio. Dispatch was sending them to the hospital. There were multiple people hurt. Buck fidgeted next to Hen. 

“I’m sure he is fine.” she smiled, hopeful. 

Buck ignored the pit in his stomach as he hopped out and followed his team inside. Eddie was nowhere to be found. He dropped his bag near Bobby. 

“Cap...I need...” 

Bobby looked over at him, “I need your head in this Buck.” 

He knew what that meant. Buck knew he would have to stay even though all he wanted to do was look for Eddie. He pulled out his phone and sent Eddie a text, ‘I’m here. Come find me. Can’t leave patients.’ 

It had been over thirty minutes and Buck was starting to lose his cool. He looked over at Hen. She just shook her head. He knew he shouldn’t leave, but he needed to make sure Eddie was fine. 

“I’m sure he is fine. Just breathe and help me with this guy.” Hen stated. 

They watched as another team came to help get the hospital back on track. Before long it looked like a fully functional hospital again. Buck looked at Bobby who was shaking his head. Buck took off running. He found a few nurses at the end of the hall. 

“Eddie Diaz. Have either of you seen him?” 

They both shook their heads no, but the one nurse spoke up. 

“Let me page him.” 

Buck smiled at her in thanks. She did her announcement and Buck waited another ten minutes before making his way to the elevator. He tried to ignore his mind. It was running a mile a minute with thoughts of Eddie being gone. 

_He can’t be gone. This cannot happen again._

Buck sighed pushing the button on the elevator for the third time. The doors finally opened and Eddie was standing on the other side, covered in blood. 

“Oh, thank god.” Buck cried pulling him into a bone crushing hug, “I was so worried.” 

“I’m fine.” 

“Are you sure?” Buck asked pulling back to see all the blood. 

“It’s not mine.” Eddie whispered, “I’m okay.”

“You sent that text and I got so worried.” 

“I-I know. I sent it just in case.” Eddie sighed, “I’m sorry for making you worry.”

“I love you.” 

“Y-You do?” Eddie questioned.

Buck snorted, “Of course I do. I didn’t know how to say it before. But I do love you.” 

Buck grabbed the back of his neck and pulled Eddie forward. He kissed him passionately, pulling him closer and closer until he heard someone clear their throat behind them. Eddie looked over, it was Hen. 

“Can’t you see I’m busy Henrietta?” Buck griped. 

She just laughed while Bobby smiled, speaking up before he continued.

“And who’s this?” 

Buck rolled his eyes, “This is Eddie. Eddie this is my team - Bobby, Hen and Chimney.”

“Chimney? Why do they call you that?” 

“No reason.” Chim said quickly. 

Bobby shook Eddie’s hand. He hadn’t known Buck was dating anyone, but he seemed to be in a better mood lately. He was a more go with the flow kinda guy. He figured whatever was making Buck so happy he would eventually hear about it. Bobby was just happy that Buck found someone again. 

“Well, we should probably go. Looks like the hospital is back in order.” Bobby smiled. 

“I’ll see you tonight?” Buck asked. 

“Of course.” 

Buck looked back at him. He didn’t want to leave Eddie, but he had work to do. He followed his team out, but he turned and waved goodbye to Eddie. He would see him at home later.

_Home..._

Buck grinned, his home was Eddie’s home. He hadn’t realized he thought of it that way but it was true. Home is where your heart is...and his heart belonged to Eddie. Eddie had become his home in such a short amount of time. There was no one that was more important to him. Buck felt warm all over, suddenly overcome with love. He loved Eddie. And he was finally moving on from Carlos. He never thought this day would come. A day where he didn’t feel guilty for loving someone else. Carlos wanted him to move on. He needed Buck to move on, but Buck fought him every step of the way. Who knew that Eddie Diaz was exactly what he needed. 


	5. Chapter 5

It had been three weeks since the hospital incident and Buck was thankful that Eddie was alright. They were doing a lot better. Now they had a routine and it seemed to be working. With each passing day Carlos was a million miles away. Of course he wasn't gone. Buck could never forget about him, but he didn't need to think about him at this point in time. He wasn't sad that he was gone. It was almost like Buck accepted his death. That day he was coming back from Carlos' grave when Eddie text him about what he should wear to Athena and Bobby's place for dinner. He decided to just call him. 

"Wear whatever you want." Buck stated. 

"Babe I wanna look good." 

Buck chuckled, "You always look good. How about that brown shirt with the buttons. The one you wore to the bar a few weeks ago." 

"Okay, sounds good." Eddie grinned, "Love you." 

"Love ya too. I'll pick you up at six. I have a few more errands to run."

Buck hung up. He thought about Eddie at his place rushing around trying to find something to wear. Most of Eddie's wardrobe was at his place, but he hadn't even thought about it until now. They had always been at his house. He was only ever at Eddie's place once and it was just a typical apartment. Nothing out of the ordinary. Buck thought about asking Eddie to move in, but he thought it might have been too soon. He needed to talk to Hen, so he got in the car and drove over to her place. 

\-- 

"Hey Buckaroo." 

"Should I ask Eddie to move in with me?" Buck rambled. 

"Hey-I'm fine. How 'bout you?" she said sarcastically, "Come on in." 

Buck entered and sat down on the sofa. He waited for her to sit before continuing. 

"It's just I never thought we would be at this point. I never thought that I would want him to move in." 

"So ask him." 

"Is it too soon?" Buck cried. 

Hen laughed a little, "Buck I think you've been ready to ask him to move in the minute you met him. I-I think he is it for you Buckaroo."

"So, then it's okay?"

"I think you are the only one who can answer that." 

Buck groaned, but thanked her. He told her that he would see her tomorrow and went out to his car. He rushed back to his place, where Eddie was finishing getting ready. He looked great and as Buck walked into the room all he could smell was Eddie's cologne. 

"Hey, you're home earlier then I expected." Eddie grinned giving him a quick kiss. 

"I have to ask you something. Can we talk?"

Eddie looked at him quizzically, "D-Did I do something wrong?"

"What? No, of course not." Buck snorted, "Let's sit down." 

"Okay..." Eddie frowned, but took a seat on the bed. 

"I never thought this would happen for me again. I-I'm happy. With you. I love you so much."

"But?" 

"But nothing." Buck laughed, "I-well that is if you want-I'd like you to move in."

"Shit. I thought you were breaking up with me." 

Buck frowned, "Why would I do that? I love you. A lot." 

Eddie smiled, "I love you too. And of course I will move in. I barely use my place anymore anyway. My mail is beginning to pile up." 

Buck laughed and kissed him. He knew they had to go to Bobby's house, but he thought they had some time for a quickie before they left. Eddie moaned and Buck started removing his shirt. Eddie stopped him.

"I really love you, ya know." 

"Mmm, I know." Buck said, "I love you so much, Eddie." 

\--

**Epilogue - 3 years later**

Eddie was shuffling around the house looking for the box. Buck was due home any minute and he couldn't remember where he put it. He heard the door and groaned. 

"Babe?" 

"In here." Eddie yelled.

"What's wrong?" Buck inquired. 

"Nothing. I was just looking for..." 

Eddie trailed off as he saw the box on the dresser. 

"What?" Buck asked shifting his eyes. 

Before he could look Eddie pushed him against the wall and kissed him passionately. 

"Why don't you have a shower?" Eddie stated, "I'm gonna clean up and then I have a surprise for you." 

"Alright...are you okay?" 

"Yes, now go." 

The truth was Eddie was amazing. He watched Buck walk away. He planned to propose. He had picked out the best ring he could find. Eddie was a little worried Buck would say no, but he wanted Buck to finally be his husband. It had been about a year after they started dating that Buck removed his wedding ring that Carlos had given him. He was too busy thinking that he didn't hear Buck come back into the room. 

"Hey, you alright?" Buck asked concern in his voice. 

"I'm fine, babe." Eddie smiled, "Have I told you how much I love you?"

"Everyday." he answered, "What's going on?"

"I-uh-" 

"I know somethings wrong. You've been acting strange since I came in." 

Eddie sighed, "This isn't he way it was supposed to go, but fuck it." 

Buck looked at him strangely. Eddie got up an knelt down on one knee. Buck looked shocked. 

"Will you marry me?" Eddie questioned. 

Buck opened his mouth and closed it again. As the minutes ticked by Eddie thought he made a mistake. Maybe he was reading their relationship all wrong. They never talked about marriage. Maybe Buck never wanted to be married again. After a few moments longer Eddie huffed and stood up. 

"Nevermind." he stated placing the box on the dresser. 

He was too afraid to look at Buck. Too afraid to see the rejection. 

"Eddie..." Buck's voice shook. 

He finally turned around to see that Buck had tears in his eyes. Eddie smiled sadly at him, but went to him and wrapped his arms around his waist. 

"It's alright." Eddie whispered. 

"I-I..." Buck stuttered between tears. 

"Don't worry about it. It's fine." 

"Yes..." Buck sighed hold him tighter. 

Eddie pulled back and lifted his brow. 

"D-Did you just say yes?" 

Buck laughed, "Of course I did. I love you so much."

"I love you too." 

"Can I see the ring?"

Eddie snorted, "Yeah." 

Buck smiled as Eddie placed the ring onto his finger. Soon he and Eddie would be married. Buck had wanted that for a long time. Maybe since the day at the hospital. He certainly thought a lot about what Eddie meant to him and he actually thought about proposing last year. It was just they never talked about it, so Buck was just enjoying what they had. Never questioning their relationship. Things were finally okay, Buck was home. He loved Eddie so much. Carlos wasn't forgotten. He would always remember him, but he had Eddie now and he couldn't be happier. 


End file.
